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Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Jan 22, 2013 11:30pm PST
on fox news. [ laughter ] >> the president made the case for big government. >> this speech today was an ode to big government. it was a hymn to big government. at his heart, i think president obama is a socialist. >> stephen: yes, at his heart he is a socialist. ever notice how it shares the blood with all the other organs? [ laughter ] well sorry, obama, your class warfare isn't going to work. fox news contributor and shamwow pitchman stuart varney knows the reason why. [ laughter ] >> rich people, powerful people, in america today, are reviled. they're dismissed as fat cats who don't pay their fair share. we just hate 'em-- rich people are evil. yet, along comes this show "downton abbey"-- rich people prominently featured and they're generous; they're nice people; they create jobs, for heaven's sake; they're classy; they've got style and we love 'em. that show is wildly popular, which poses a threat to the left, doesn't it? >> stephen: yes, it does. >> stephen: yes, the popularity of "downton abbey" proves that america loves rich guys. the same way the popularity of "breaking b
Comedy Central
Jan 21, 2013 6:55pm PST
. [ laughter ] folks, but down in the bunker, i'm ready for that dark tomorrow when jack-booted government thugs come for our guns. that's where the ghillie suit comes in. let's say the government busts in here looking to arrest me because i'm a gun owner and haul me off to one of those jails where you can't bring your gun. [ laughter ] oh, they have 'em. they already have them set up, okay? the minute they bust down that door, i just do this. [ laughter ] [cheers and applause] "hey, where's colbert? >> he's not here. just a pile of grass clippings on his desk. perfectly normal. and i'm home free. you're going to want to get one of these, and not just because it's slimming. [ laughter ] no, tomorrow is the day reich marshal von amtrak has promised to issue his recommendations for gun control. >> i'm going to be submitting to the president a proposal as to how to proceed. i'm shooting for tuesday. we all know there's no silver bullet. >> stephen: you hear that? [ laughter ] they're taking away our silver bullets. how will we defend ourselves from werewolf bandits?! [ laughter ] so with our
Comedy Central
Jan 21, 2013 11:30pm PST
of influenza virus." nation, we must quarantine our children immediately. [ laughter ] the government must put up buildings to sequester them. we'll group them by age, and keep them there during high activity hours, say from 8:00 to 3:00. [ laughter ] bus them if we have to! [ laughter ] but locking up your kids to avoid the flu doesn't mean you're safe. >> a new strain of a virus is quickly spreading across several countries including the united states where folks are calling it: the winter vomiting bug. >> stephen: yes, the winter vomiting bug! far worse than the spring vomiting bug, which at least gets you in shape for bikini season. [ laughter ] that's affecting scores of americans come from? jolly old england! hmm, who do we know from england who was recently vomiting? >> her royal highness is expected to stay in hospital for several days. now we learn, the duchess of cambridge is hospitalized for severe vomiting. >> stephen: threat number 4: kate middleton! [ laughter ] she's princess zero! typhoid queen mary! her royal hurl-ness! [ laughter ] thanks to kate, this winter vomiting bug co
Search Results 0 to 9 of about 10 (some duplicates have been removed)